1. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless you're a diabetic!!!!! 2. People who live in glass houses should have sex in their basements!!!

'How long will the next bus be?' 'About eighteen feet.'

What do you call a a bunch of fish swimming in the sky?? A High School!!!

Why should you have only one egg for breakfast? Because un oeuf is enough!

I don't believe in reincarnation, which is strange, because in a previous existence, I did.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man with face in toilet is shit faced. Man who fools around with neighbour's wife at wrong time of month get caught red handed. Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!

Q: What's a pick up line in a gay bar?? A: Would you like me to push your stool in?

My home town is so small, we have part-time village idiot.

Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

In a recent survey, 4% of men preferred fat legs; 6% preferred skinny legs; while 90% preferred something in between.

How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.