Q - What do barbed wire and a thong have in common? A - Both protect the property, but neither obstruct the view.

Mary had a little lamb! The doctor fainted!

Like I said before, I never repeat myself.

Why is marriage so much like a tornado? At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.

If a guy is a "chick magnet", and opposites attract, doesn't that make him gay?

10) Hum or sing when ever possible. 9) Always chew with your mouth open. 8) Pretend to fly around the room. 7) Have fights with your imaginary friends. 6) At school, fall asleep in every class. 5) When people turn around, make faces. 4) Scream every 10 minutes. 3) Tell every one you have a twin and then pretend to be the twin. 2) Say, 'I don't know.' when you are asked a question, no matter what the question is. 1) Tap your pencil on every surface.

What does a horny ghost say to scare people? BOO...BS!

What's the difference between a wife and a prostitute? Prostitute is cheaper!

I am sure everyone has heard the saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, I have improved on this saying so that it applies to my life, and here it is. "If it ain't broke, it ain't ours!"

This was a Typo from Jack-in-the-Box 1. Come in for our new Chihuahua (Chibatta, Don't ask.)Sandwich. 2. Newspaper Look ravished (ravishing) for your big day. 3. Church Newsletter Come tonight to see famous missionary Bobby Belch. Come hear Bobby Belch from Africa. 4. Sunday School Lesson: Jesus Walks on Water Tonight's Lesson: Finding Jesus 5. Tonight's Sermon: "What is Hell?" Come early to listen to our choir perform.

1. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless you're a diabetic!!!!! 2. People who live in glass houses should have sex in their basements!!!

'How long will the next bus be?' 'About eighteen feet.'