War not determine who right, war determine who left.

Found on Roadside Dead Fucked Over Re-built Dodge

Normal people believe that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Signs in our world... Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you. OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN. GENTLEMEN: Your aim will help. Stand closer. It's shorter than you think. LADIES: Please remain seated for the entire performance. CAUTION: This machine has no brain. Use your own. St. Cyril of Alexandria Catholic Church Staying in bed shouting, Oh, God! does not constitute going to church. Diocese of Galveston-Houston. Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Service. 020 8797 2690 Note to NiteLink Passengers. Ladies, the poles are fitted for your safety. No dancing. Attention Dog Gu

Old photographers never die, they just go out of focus!

What's the best way to talk to a shark? Long distance!

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day. AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TEN

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps "CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop. "IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal "A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of preventative maintenance "IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual "TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Jo

Why do people say "This is the first day of the rest of your life"? Isn't that true about everyday unless you die that day?

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To Fight Crime: Shoot Back! Caution -- Driver Legally Blonde! If You Drink Don't Park. Accidents Cause People. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me