The wife ran into the house, screaming to her actor husband, "Darling, come quick. Your kids and my kids are beating up on our kids!"

The Romans had to give up their big holidays because of the tremendous overhead. The lions ate up all of their prophets.

I wonder who came up with the company People's Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago.

Actual Newspaper Headline: Kids Make Great Snacks For Teachers.

Overheard in a doctor's waiting room: "My uncle had a cough like yours and he died. Mind you, he was hiding under his neighbour's bed at the time."

Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker? He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the New York hot-dog vendor? "Make me one with everything."

"For Gods sakes Bill! Help her find it!." ~Hillary after walking in with Monica on her hands and knees in front of Bill

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme!

I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school. I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more.