May your troubles be as few and far between as your great-grandmother's teeth.

Found in micellaneous things. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. I don't have a short attention span, it's just that I- Etc.:a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. Without geography, you're nowhere. When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell him to dribble a football. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernail. Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk. Man who drives like hell, bound to get there. It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it. Crowded elevator smells different

Q. How do you keep a jack ass in suspense? A. I`ll tell you tomorrow.

Here's a lighted dynamite stick, please hold it until I get back.

To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof: MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, "Mommy". By the way, I, myself, do NOT believe in the theory of evolution.

I used to be schizophrenic, but now we're just fine

Vini vedi velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

Q: What is a cheerleader's favorite drink? A: Root Beer!

What did the Chinese people call their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless! P.S. This works for just about any instrument player.

Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.