Don't drink and drive, you'll spill your beer.

I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the 'Beyond' dept.

If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish... He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can do binary and those who can't.

Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?

What are Martians favorite sweets? Mars-mallows.

What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive.

What's a man's ultimate embarrassment? Having an erection, walking into a wall, and hurting his nose.

What kind of sign does a prostitute hang on her door when she goes on vacation? "GO SCREW YOURSELF!"

Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money.

Always be smarter than the inanimate object that you're working with.

What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? "Attention all K-Mart shoppers"