The law of drunkenness- You can't fall off the floor.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

I didn't lose my mind, I just let it wander and it never came back. I miss it so much.

"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers, Humorist

Remember- There's a light at the end of every tunnel... just hope it's not a train!

It's impossible to be a participant in the march of time and not get a few blisters.

What's an innunedo? An Italian hemorrhoid prepareation. What do you call a good looking girl on the campus of Clemson University? A visitor. Iraq, a good place to take a shiite. New rules for poker in Los Angeles -- four clubs beat a king. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. What's the difference between Gov't bonds and men? Gov't bond eventually mature. What did God say after he created man? "I can do better than this . . ." What's the best thing to come out of a peter? The wrinkles. What's the difference between 'light' and 'hard'? You can sleep with the light on. What's the difference between 'dark' and 'hard'? It stays dark all night. W

Why is there an L in NOEL?

When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it's an anagram of 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not!

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs. yet the mom weighs 30 lbs. more? Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one? Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number? If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who can't walk why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms? Can someone give up lent for lent? Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog," when dogs just sit around all day? If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out? And why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?

Did you hear about the inexperienced terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.