For all of you who say I need anger management... Just to let you know, if I could control my anger, I'd destroy you with it!

Why did the penny become angry with the nickel? Because the nickel was a "penny pincher".

What did one tradesman say to another? I hope you have a "barter" day tomorrow.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Bench? A bench can support a whole family.

Girl, "Oh, Superman I love you so much!" Superman,"I don't blame you."

My family has no traditions. We just do the same thing, over and over again, each year.

"So what's your dog's name?" "I don't know. He won't tell me."

JUDGE: "The court can produce a dozen witnesses who saw you rob the bank." ROBBER: "Big deal! I can bring in hundreds of people who didn't see it!"

DOCTOR: "Do you smoke or drink?" PATIENT: "I didn't know I had a choice."

PIANO PLAYER: "Do you think I have a gift for playing?" LISTENER: "No, but I'll give you one for stopping!"

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?" "I don't know; and I couldn't care less."

It's only funny until someone gets hurt... Then it's hilarious!