I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

"You certainly look cool." "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from.

A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. -- Redd Foxx

"My karma ran over my dogma." -Anonymous