An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.