What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad? One says "Ribbit ribbit" and the other says "Rubbit rubbit".

So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me. God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends. My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog. Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some Things Are Just Better Rich. Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen Warning: I Have An Attitude And I Know How To Use It. Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did It Right The First Time. Do Not Start With Me. You Will Not Win. Sorry If I Looked Interested. I'm Not. If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen.

What did the number 0 say to the number 8? "Hey, nice belt!"

Hickory, Dickory Dock Three mice ran up the clock The clock struck one... The rest got away with minor injuries

Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Bobs neighbor.