First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Willy: Me

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If the entire world was a stage and God was the director, what we need is a rehearsal.

Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

The zoology teacher asked a small boy to make a sentence using the word "possum." He answered, "Maw got horny and gave possum."

A guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey buddy, don't try to start anything..."

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity.