When physics meets Star Wars: May the net force be with you!

Q. What do you call a guy that sits on your doorstep? A. A Matt.

What disasters would happen if a waiter dropped a plate of turkey? The downfall of Greece, the overthrow of Turkey and the break up of China

Borrow money from a pessimist---They don't expect it back.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

When is it Michael Jackson's bed time? When the little hand meets the big hand.

What do you call happiness? Seeing your mother-in-law's photo on the back of a milk carton!

What's the difference between an alchoholic & a drug addict? The alchoholic drives over the stop sign, while the drug addict waits for it to turn green.

Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick ? A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ? A. They are Braille for "suck here".