If the opposite of pro is con, isn't the opposite of progress, congress?

The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

If at first you don't succeed ... avoid skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day... Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Politics comes from the root "poli-", which means many, and "-tics", which means, blood-sucking creatures.

Why do they have braille on drive-thru ATMs?

Can women put mascara on with their mouth closed?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.