How do you break a Bill Clinton supporter's finger? Punch him in the nose. What does Jeffrey Dahmer's victims and The Clintons' hair styles have in common? They both look like the work of a butcher. If The Clinton's were younger, do you think they would have known the Clampents? Possibly, Bill might have made Jethro's acquaintance in the 6th grade. Why doesn't Hillary cut Bill's hair? He won't pay her $300. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton? His face. What is the Arkansas state flower? Gennifer. Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? Put Janet Reno in charge. What's the difference between a Bill Clinton and a carp? One's a scum sucking bott

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him. First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart," so the Wizard said, "So be it." Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain." The Wizard said, "So be it." Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage." The Wizard granted this wish as well. Yhen Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at h

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. "Go to the theatre."

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket. Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton's habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald's national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton? Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it's got half the meat.

Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?" Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200. Clinton gasped, "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!" Christophe replied, "That makes us even."

Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station. As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary, "I went to high school with you". She recognized him and agreed with him. Later, as they were driving down the road, Bill said, "If you had married him you wouldn't be married to the President." Hillary said, "Oh yes, I would - he would be President."

Reporters asked Dan Quayle what he thought of Roe v. Wade? His response: "Two alternate ways to cross the Potomac."

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy' and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it." "Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the rabbi. "Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her." "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty." "It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours

There have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from "Run" to "Hide". If things get any worse they'll have to go to "Surrender", and then "Beg for Mercy".

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him any more. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like it!