"My wife has been going to cooking school for three years." / "She must really cook well by now!" / "No, they've only reached the part about the Twentieth CPSU Congress so far."

When Yeltsin resigned from the Communist Party at the 28th Party Congress, people used to say that "Yeltsin is out of mind,... honour, and conscience of our epoch". (A hint at a widespread propaganda slogan: "Party is Mind, Honour and Conscience of our Epoch")

―Have you heard, Putin ordered the government to arrest the inflation. ―Well, not exactly, he ordered to have it arrested...and jailed.

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says, "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue." "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

It was really hot last summer. In fact, it was so hot I saw a republican with his head out of his ass.

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhe

1. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by. 2. If you're proud that Alaska makes the national news 96 nights each year because Trapper Creek is the coldest spot in the nation. 3. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year. 4. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead. 5. If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of jellied moose nose. 6. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time. 7. If you have either a pet or child named "Bear".

1. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches. 2. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. 3. If you know how to say Matanuska, Tokositna, Kichatna, Oshetna, Bodenburg and Muktuk. 4. If you think that ketchup is one of the seven main food groups. 5. If your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway. 6. If your whole family wears mukluks to church on Sunday. 7. If you see people wearing camouflage at social events - including weddings and funerals.

Did you hear the one about when the Great Recession began? The President appointed a cat to chair the Federal Reserve. Do you know why? Because when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet.

What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty? The water bottle hit Justin Bieber first.

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on, following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is f

Is anybody STILL ALIVE ON WOCKA?????? I KNOW THIS ISNT A JOKE BUT THIS WAY THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR ATTENTION! HELLOOOO.... WAS THAT AN ECHO ECHO ECHO?