A man is bitten by a rabid dog he found wandering in his yard. Frantically, he rushes his computer and begins typing something. His neighbor walks in, and mentions to him that he need not worry, there is a cure for rabies. He replies, "I know that; I'm finding where George Bush is right now!"

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A couple who is having problems in their marriage decide to go on a talk show. The wife complains that her husband does not listen to her and is ungrateful. She blames this on her husband's career. The host asks the man, "Has being in politics had any affect on your sex life?" Bill Clinton replies, "Mine's great, how's yours honey?"

. . . they only tell who's left.

They had quite a scare in Washington, DC, today. Apparently, President Obama was meeting with some potential cabinet nominees and someone noticed a suspicious looking document on the table that no one had ever seen before. Turns out it was just a tax form, but it gave them quite a fright. - Jay Leno

It was often said that if an African American was ever voted in to be the President of the United States, that would be the the day that pigs fly. 100 days after President Barack Obama is in office, swine flu.

One day, a Democrat was on vacation. He was walking along the beach, when he hit his toe on a hard object, and looking down, he saw a small, shiny golden lamp sticking out of the sand. Excited, he grabbed the lamp, and rubbed its side. A genie appeared from the lamp and said, "Thank you for releasing me. You may have three wishes. But I am a Republican genie; whatever you wish for, every Republican will get two of tomorrow morning." The Democrat nodded, and said, "I'd like a shiny new car." The genie said, "Your wish is granted. Every Republican ill have two new shiny cars in their driveways tomorrow morning;" and a new car appeared next to them. "I want a million dollars," said the Demo

Real Quotes By George Bush: This is my maiden voyage. My first speech since I was the president of the United States and I couldn't think of a better place to give it than Calgary, Canada." - George W. Bush, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009. "I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened." - George W. Bush, on what he hopes to accomplish with his memoir, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009. "One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to

what George W. bush thinks during his cabinet meetings. Hmmm...what does the w stand for? Wait... there isn't even a cabinet in here!

The following is a list of the U.S. deaths in certain places. September 11: 2,752 War on Terror: 4,344 We beat ourselves.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners. Both successors were named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson,

This is seriously strange. If you vote, don't vote because it offends you, just view it as sarcastic. If this being sarcastic offends you, view it as serious. I refuse to tell which way I think about it. If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he feels that no one should have one. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, h