Got to Get You Into My Sights I Put a Shell in You You've Shot a Friend Huntin', Shootin', Drinkin' Dude Looked Like a Birdie

These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "What's 'shortage'?" The Russian says, "What's 'meat'?" The North Korean says, "What's 'opinion'?" The New Yorker, says, "'Excuse me'? What's 'excuse me'?"

The following are headlines that *might* have appeared in papers in the aftermath of Little Bighorn - Variety: "Custer Closes Out of Town" Pravda: "Big Red Victory" Sports Illustrated: "Indians Win Series" Women's Wear Daily: "Feathers Make Comeback" Reader's Digest: "Sitting Bull Reveals New Cure for Dandruff" The Washington Post: "Custer Loses Rural Vote"

Dubya Quotes "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George W. Bush "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." ...Governor George W. Bush "Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ...Governor George W. Bush "Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." ...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94 "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived

Presidents on a sinking ship! Ford says: "What do we do?" Bush says: "Man the lifeboats!" Reagan says: "What lifeboats?" Carter says: "Women first!" Nixon says: "Screw the women!" Clinton says: "You think we have time?"

George W. Bush.... that's it

The Vice President and his best friends were out hunting birds. People in the office knew that the best friend had some dirt on the vice president. When the vice president came back from hunting, the guy that owned the hunting place asked, "Where's your friend?" The Vice President started to shake and said, "Oh he's still hunting. I have my animals in this gym bag here." "O.k." A week later he came back alone. Then when he got to the car the next day a police man was writing a parking ticket. The officer said, "Sorry, sir, but I have to write you a ticket," and glanced at his police partner in his police car. Then the Vice President said, "Ok, let me just unlock the car and I'll be on my

When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.

Dick Cheney had a problem. He was been sued for 200 million dollars. He asks everybody in the West Wing for advice. However, only President Bush has any good advice: " Why don't you take them hunting?"

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convince

Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles

Two Saudis emigrated to America with their families. On the plane ride over they made a bet about who could become more "Americanized" in their first year. As agreed, they met exactly one year later. The first guy pulled up in his Hummer and said to the second guy "I win. There's no way you can beat me: I just dropped my son off at Little League, I'm on my way to pick my daughter up from cheerleading practice, and I stopped at McDonalds on my way here." And the second guy said "Fuck you, towelhead!"