Every village has its idiot. Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing theirs.

Why aren't dogs allowed in the White House? They might pee on the Bush!

A merger has been announced between the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) and the California Fish and Game Department. It will be called Fish and Chips.

Recently, Germans conducted some scientific exploration involving their best men. Core drilling samples were taken to a depth of 50 metres, and during these examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network. The British government was unimpressed, and conducted their own survey. From samples drilled to a depth of 100 meters, they found small pieces of glass, and announced that 35,000 years ago, the ancient Britons had a nationwide optical-fibre network. The Irish government felt they had to conduct their own survey, their scientists

1. Wake up and stumble in the room 40 minutes late. 2. Blame all of the problems in America on 9/11 and Iraq. 3. Pronounce "nuclear" right. 4. Publish my dog's sequel. 5. Show off my awesome golf shot. Hey, I counted to five!

When all the national leaders met with Bush... Germans make your candy, said Germany's leader, We abuse it, said Bush. Holland makes your remotes, said Holland's leader We'd die without those, said Bush. Italy and Mexico bring in great food, said Mexico & Italy, We stuff ourselves with it, said Bush. Japan makes your video games, said Japan's leader; Our kids and dads love it, said Bush. China makes all the rest, said China's leader, Bush said, AMEN. WHAT DO YOU MAKE? said all but Bush, Bush took them to a farm, He took them to a sleping bull. The bull had a turd next to it. It said "Made in America", Bush told them America makes bull****

Got to Get You Into My Sights I Put a Shell in You You've Shot a Friend Huntin', Shootin', Drinkin' Dude Looked Like a Birdie

These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "What's 'shortage'?" The Russian says, "What's 'meat'?" The North Korean says, "What's 'opinion'?" The New Yorker, says, "'Excuse me'? What's 'excuse me'?"

The following are headlines that *might* have appeared in papers in the aftermath of Little Bighorn - Variety: "Custer Closes Out of Town" Pravda: "Big Red Victory" Sports Illustrated: "Indians Win Series" Women's Wear Daily: "Feathers Make Comeback" Reader's Digest: "Sitting Bull Reveals New Cure for Dandruff" The Washington Post: "Custer Loses Rural Vote"

Dubya Quotes "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George W. Bush "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." ...Governor George W. Bush "Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ...Governor George W. Bush "Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." ...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94 "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived

Presidents on a sinking ship! Ford says: "What do we do?" Bush says: "Man the lifeboats!" Reagan says: "What lifeboats?" Carter says: "Women first!" Nixon says: "Screw the women!" Clinton says: "You think we have time?"

George W. Bush.... that's it