Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together? Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1? Do pigs pull ham strings? Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters? Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"? Why do people say heads up when you should duck? Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights? Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone? Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks? Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something bei

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife. 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both. 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "B

What did one penny say to another penny? Let's get together and make cents

Three men are sitting next to a dead guy. The first one can only say, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" The second one can say, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Finally, the third one can say, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!" A cop comes by and asks the first one if he killed the man. Unable to say anything else, he says, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" Then he asks the second man, "What weapons did you use?" The second man says, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Astonished, he is taken back for a second and then tells them all that they will go to jail. The third man tries to plead, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!"

I had been dating this really cool guy for like 2 weeks, and we finally went out. We saw "the RING" and i was totally freaked, and I had ordered a HUGE pop, and drunk it all. Anyway, we were really snuggling tight,like our legs were wrapped around each other, and such. Of course, I had to pee bad, but I didnt want to interupt our snuggling, as it might result in, when I got back, not re-snuggling, so I didnt. At one point, there was this sudden, out of nowhere, loud noise, and it freaked me out, and, as you've probably guessed, I peed. But, it wouldnt stop. It was really bad. I was wearing a skirt and so, afer drenching my undies, it trickled down my legs, and since his legs were wr

A man is playing poker, and sees a sign that says: If You Have A Gambling Problem call 1-800-GAMBLING. So the man calls the hotline and says, "The guy on my right has an ace and a two, I have a three and a jack, there is a four, a five, and a queen on the table, what should I do?"

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you think. 4. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. 6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more. 7. Get in a whole NEW rut! 8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace. 9. Don't eat cloned meat. 10. Create loose ends. 11. Get more toys. 12. Get further in debt. 13. Don't believe politicians. 14. Break at least one traffic law. 15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet. 16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks. 17. Associate with even worse business clients. 18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to

If he concentrates on the bottle because it says, "from concentrate!"

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