A man had just got to his hotel room with his newlywed wife on thier honeymoon. He said, "Let's screw." So they took off their clothes and got close and started kissing and the man said, "Wait, we don't have a condom, I'm not ready for kids yet." So the man called up the bellhop and asked him to bring up a condom. When the bellhop got their he said, "Here is your condom sir, would you like me to put it on your bill?"

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor asked her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 18 ye

Of course you know they have changed the look of twenty dollar bills recently. What happens to the old ones? Bill Gates gets them!

A guy was smoking a cigarette. Another guy comes up to him and asks, "Do you have an extra cigarette?" The first guy looks at the box and reads that it contains 20 cigarettes. He counts all the cigarettes in his box and says,"Nope, don't got any extra cigarettes".

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A man was screaming into his phone saying "Can you hear me now?". Annoyed, a CIA offical said "Yes, we can hear you now!"

What do you call a woman with one black eye? A fast learner.

You know your are in Alaska when you go to court and they ask you where you were on the night of October to April!

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

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