Good: You & Your wife decide not to have kids. Bad: Your wife can't find the birth control pills Ugly: You daughter borrowed them.

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a disturbing fart after making love! She said: "Aww, so sorry. Excuse please, front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!!

When one wishes to unlock a door but only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von fumbles law) A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale law of destiny) When ones hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of ichiban) Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance so sorry law) When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny awaits law) If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem (law of gravitas) Most problems are not created nor solved, the

A gentleman walks into bar, and to his horror, sees a screaming naked lady tied to the wall while the bartender licks her! The guy runs out and calles the police.He is even more horrified when the police say there is nothing they can do; the bartender has lick-her (liquor) license.

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." -Poor Bear

Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over. -Unknown (boardofwisdom.com)

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always

What did the bee say to the naughty bee? Bee-Hive your self

MEXICAN VIRUS BUENOS DIAS!! JOU HAVE YUST RECEIVED A MEHICAN BIRUS!!! SINCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL BIRUS. PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW. TAN JOU POR YELPING ME. JULIO MANUEL JOSE FEDENZIO RODRIGUEZ GARCIA , MEXICAN HACKER

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya. More than one wife. Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower. No chocolate cookies. No Christmas. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and >>take >>them to their separate hotel >>rooms. >> >>The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His >>depression >>is made worse by the fact that, >>from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries >>of >>"Here I come again ... ONE, TWO, >>THREE... UUH!" all night long. >> >>In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" >>The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get >>an >>erection." >> >>The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassi

You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender. 1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. 3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over inflated. 4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. 5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) An Hourglass is Female, bec