An 18-year-old girl tells her Mum that she is two months late. Very worried, the mother rushes off to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says: "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know now!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a red Ferrari stops in front of their house and a mature and distinguished man with grey hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and he explains: "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't

Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" GENERAL REIN

What did the pirate say when he got cold? Shiver me timbers!!!

One day a boy walked in the classroom. The teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The next boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late; he said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. The last boy walked in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He said he was on top of Blueberry Hill. Then a girl walked in and the teacher said, "Let me guess, you're late beacause you were on top of Blueberry Hill". Then the girl said, "I am Blueberry Hill".

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."

Give blood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Go skateboarding.

Say this out loud: this is a cat is is a cat how is a cat to is a cat keep is a cat a is a cat dumbass is a cat busy is a cat for is a cat forty is a cat seconds is a cat * * * * * * * * * * * * * now read only the first word of each line!! THIS is a cat IS is a cat HOW is a cat TO is a cat KEEP is a cat A is a cat DUMBASS is a cat BUSY is a cat FOR is a cat FORTY is a cat SECONDS is a cat

A woman went in for a breast exam. The doctor said, "Have a seat. I have to numb your breasts first." The woman said, "Okay." So the doctor put his face between her breasts and said, "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb."

I did your mom... ...a favor by making you... ...lunch.

One day, a little Indian boy came up to an old man in the village (In the Indian heritage, the oldest are most wise). The little boy asks, "How do we Indians get their names? Like... Blackhawk, or Redeyes?" The old man says, "Well, actually, when they are born, the first thing we see is what we name them." "Oh! Okay, thanks!" says the little boy. "Any more questions, Two Dogs Fucking?"

Someone dropped $50. Who do you think will pick it up? A.) An honest politician B.) A five year old child C.) Santa Claus B.) A 5 year old child, all the others aren't real.

Q. Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead Q Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because it was stapled to the dog! Q. Why did the tree fall over? A. Because it thought it was a game.