The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik ent

You Know You're a Pothead When... You think the song "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday. You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don't have enough gas money to get home but you don't care. You start every sentence with - uhhh!. You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don't have money to buy fireworks. You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 ti

Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was. "It was great!" said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion....it started chasing me....at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped!! He caught up again, and I could smell his foul breath right behind me, but he slipped again! Then he was so close, his paw reached out, inches away from my shoulders. Yet he slipped, for the third time! That is when I spotted a car and got a ride back here!" "Wow!", says George, "If that happened to me I would Have wet my pants!!" Fred looks at him and says "What do you think the lion kept slipping on?"

Q. what is more diffucult than getting a pregnant elephant in your car? A. getting an elephant pregnant in your car

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"

Haven't I seen you on TV? Well yes I do appear off and on, how do you like me? Off.

One bright day in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced each other, drew their knives, and shot each other. a deaf policeman heard the noise, and came to kill those two dead boys. if you don't believe my stories true, ask the blind guy, he saw it to!

Signs in the USA (mostly) In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters" On the menu of a restaurant: "Blackened bluefish" In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends." In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends." On the walls of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy" On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot." In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy." In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal

FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD! --------------------------------------- Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them. In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevat

SUBJECT: Soap Saga Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman --------------------------------------------------------

My karma ran over your dogma. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work. Hey idiot, hang up! You are driving a car, not a phone booth. Take your time, but hurry. Speed kills, drive slow, get a Honda. 0 to 60... in 15 minutes. If you don't like my driving, stay off the footpath. Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive? Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal. As a matter of fact, I DO own the road. Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!! Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept. Caution: Driver Sleeping. Don't Think and Drive. Caution I swerve and hit people at random. So many pe

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"