One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him. So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him, "What's your name?!" "Shut-Up." At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!" Shut-Up replies, "Outside picking up Poop."

After every line I type, say out loud to yourself, Hairy Pickle There once was a guy named He lived in a town called Nobody did like So they hung him buy his

Yo momma so stupid, she thought that Tiger Woods was a place that was dangerous.

What do you call the best fishermen in the state? Master Baiters

What was the female math book that lived underwater wearing? An algae-bra

1970: Wore long hair 2001: Longing for hair 1970: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high. 2001: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Finding a friend to split the price of a keg. 2001: Finding a friend to take me to have an EKG. 1970: Sitting through sessions of Acid Rock. 2001: Sitting through sessions of Acid Reflux. 1970: Thinking of moving to a real kool place. 2001: Thinking of moving to a real warm place. 1970: News stories of people growing pot. 2001: The reality of growing a pot belly. 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my mother and sister. 2001: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my grown children. 1970: Trying to lo

In the depths of the countryside there lived a farmer who took care of baby animals. The farm was very peaceful until one day the farmer's pig was murdered. Now the farmer took this incident very seriously, so he started an investigation. Unfortunately, the only witness the farmer had to this murder was his pet bunny rabbit. Since the rabbit was unable to speak and tell him who murdered the little pig, the farmer lined up his four prime suspects, a cow, a horse, a goat, and a duck, and told the rabbit to pick out who had committed the dirty deed. The rabbit hopped up and down the line, checking each animal, and then finally hopped forward three feet, and stopped in front of the goat. "I

Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings? Can a unborn baby fart or burp? If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness? Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats? What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question? Is it possible to be allergic to water? When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court, do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God? If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it? W

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day. Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with." "Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!" The inmate thought. "Actually,

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marajiuana, Jack got high and unzipped his fly and Jill said I don't wanna.

Indian chief addressing the tribe says: "I've got good news an bad news. The bad news is 5000 college students just moved next door to the reservation ... good news is, they taste like buffalo."

There was a girl named Rachel. She had a cat named Love. One day, Rachel was taking a shower. When she got out, she yelled for her cat, Love, but saw that the cat had escaped. She was still in her towel but she walked outside anyways. A cop pulled around the corner and said, "Excuse me, Miss. What are you doing out here?" Rachel replied, "Looking for Love!!!"