How come people are willing to get up off their butts to search the whole room for the remote, because they refuse to get up and change channels manually?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I want to ask where the bathroom is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the whole room for the TV remote, just because they refuse to walk up to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 4. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that!?" No stupidnose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling up there! What did you come

This is a joke song ok "I pledge allegiance to the flag, Micheal Jackson is a fag. He used to play with little toys, but now he plays with little boys."

A rich Chinese family (a 36 year old dad, a 36 year old mom, and a 2 year old son) was flying in their private jet. It ran out of fuel, and there were only two parachutes. The parents decided they could always have another son, so they grabbed the parachutes and jumped off. When they got home, they saw their son sitting on their porch. "How the hell did you get here? And before us?" the dad said, confused. The little boy stood up and said, "Me Chinese, me think fast, me hold on to daddy's ass. He make fart, I go zoom, that's how I get home so soon!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from KFC

1. San Diego police department, how may we help you? 2. Hi! Would you like to buy a new sofa, fridge or car? What about a vacuum? 3. Hello earthling. I am an alien. You may not know this, but right now, I am having sex with your ear. 4. Let your child answer the phone and tell them to say this: "Will you be my friend?" 5. Burp into the phone. 6. Fart into the phone. 7. Yes, I'd like to order one large mushroom pizza, and cheese sticks... 8. Hello, the president is not in his office at this moment, this is his secretary, can I take a message? 9. Saddam Hussein's headquarters. May I ask why you are calling? 10. Konnichiwa. Aji tunti wahika nu popo bwah? Bunwaf huji toe... (you get the point.)

This was seen on a bulletin board at a grocery store: "I have kidnapped myself. Please give me $2,000,000 and 5 tacos or you will never see me again." And a different one: "I'm missing, so I have gone to look for myself. If I come back here before I do, please keep me safe here until I return. Thanks!"

We and You is friends. You smile, We smile..... You hurt, We hurt.... You cry, We cry... You jump off a bridge... We gonna miss you!

These are actual bumper stickers that were found on people's cars: The proctologist called; they found your head. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off. Guys; just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date. Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me," Try not to let your mind wander, it's too small, it'll get lost. Welcome to America! Now, learn to speak English.

An inmate in Virginia sued himself for $5,000,000 for 'violating his rights by getting himself in prison.' However, since he can't get an income in prison, he requests that the government pay the money for him. A woman sued Kenmore Inc., after she gave her poodle a bath. She stuck him in the microwave on low to dry him off, and is suing Kenmore for the death of her dog. Four women have sued an Irvine restaurant after one of them claims she found a condom in her clam chowder when dining there last year. A 10-year-old boy tried to sue his landlord, because, he says, the toilet exploded when he flushed it. A 27-year-old man tried rocking a vending machine back and forth so he could try to s

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people

This is how you know if you are addicted to the internet: 1) You kiss you girlfriend's home page. 2.) Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. 3.) Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them. 4.) You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google. 5.) You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines. 6.) You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop. 7.) You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your kid in the overhead compartment. 8.) Your dreams are in HTML. 9.) You find yourself typing ".com" after every period when using a word processor. 10.) You