Category Jokes - Other / Misc
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one
hand and four apples and three oranges in the other
hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an
elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Problems , He sleeps at night.
Q. The Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A. Liquid
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become?
A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that.
Q. What looks like half of an apple ?
A. The other half.
Q. What happened when the wheel was invented?
A. It caused a revolution.
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean, can I take this train to Kuala Lumpur?
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
1.) That in school, getting a zero for a grade seems better than getting a 20 or a 30.
2.) That when you are hungry, you look in the refrigerator constantly, even though you know there's nothing to eat in there.
3.) That ketchup has TONS of sugar? What's up with that?
4.) That when you vacuum and there's a piece of lint or something on the floor that's too big to suck up with the vacuum cleaner, instead of picking it up, you just sit there rolling the vacuum over and over it hoping it will suck it up??
5.) That when you think of something funny and someone else says,"What's so funny?" You say,"It's a long story" when really it isn't?
Analogy of sex: Insert the 'quarter' into the 'vending machine' and then the 'gumball' comes out.
The forgien exchanged students Jose, Doron, and Krono didn't know any English. So their teacher asked them to go find some words.
Jose goes to the airport and sees a plane.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's a plane taking off," the pilot said.
"Take off!" he says.
Doron goes to the zoo and sees a zebra.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's a zebra," a lady tells him.
"Ze'bra!" he says.
Krono goes to the hospital and sees a new baby.
"Waz dat?" he asks.
"That's my baby," the mother said.
"Be'be!" he says.
The next day in class, they say all the words together.
"Take off ze bra bebe!!"
"What's wrong with you?" you asked a very dumb guy that was taking your order at the newest resturant in town.
"The doctor doesn't know yet, hehe (snort)."
Once upon a time, there was a prince who was under a terrible spell. He could only say one word per year.
Then one day, he saw a beautiful princess. He fell in love with her. He vowed to ask her hand in marriage. However, because of the spell, he had to wait for 7 whole years to propose.
On the starting of the 8th year, the prince went to the princess' castle. Knelt down in front of her and said, "I love you, will you marry me?"
The princess tossed her enchanting golden hair, straightened her crown, parted her cherry-red lovely lips and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. What did you say?"
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