Some items have the strangest directions/ warnings. Here are a few I've noticed. On a toilet plunger: Do not use as an umbrella. On a carton of milk: May contain dairy products. On a tricycle: Will hurt if on top of someone. On popcorn: Will pop if heated. On candy: Directions: Take of wrapper, insert into mouth, chew, and swallow. (No, really?) On bean bags used for juggling: Do not eat. On lunchmeat: Do not mistake as toilet paper. On Gameboy: To play,you must have a thumb. After computer error: Keyboard malfunction, press enter to continue. On coke bottle: Do not try to insert head. On skateboard: May move if rode on. On shampoo bottle: Warning: May create a lather. Roadsign:

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. "Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector. "Yes, that was it!" "You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at an auction for half a million dollars!" "Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther."

There was a woman who came home from work. She had a very long day and just wanted to relax. Just as she was about to sit down, the phone rang. "Hello?" she said as she picked it up. "Are you married?" the voice said. "Who is this?" she asked. No answer. She hung up the phone. Just as she was about to sit down again, the phone rang. "Hello?" she said, picking up the phone again. "Do you have children?" the voice said. "Who the crap is this?" she said No answer. She hung up the phone. Just as she was about to sit down AGAIN, the phone rang AGAIN. "HELLO?!?!?!" she yelled, "Now this is it, if you don't tell me who you are, I am going to call the police!" "Ma'am you seem frustrated, w

A Chinese guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, "Why it change, yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen - today Iget a Hunat eighty?" The teller says - "Fluctuations!" The Chinese guy says "Fluc you white guys too"

+ You dance and it makes the band skip. + You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. + You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. + Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side." + You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth. + You could sell shade. + Your blood type is Ragu. + You need an appointment to attend an 'open house'.

Did you hear about all the Wal-Marts being taken out of Afghanistan? Yeah thet're putting in Targets!

Say the word pig before each word. Pigs About Talking Idiot This Got I Long How Look Now say the word pig after each word Pigs About Talking Idiot This Got I Long How Look Next say the word pig before and after each word Pigs About Talking Idiot This Got I Long How Look Finally read the list of words from the bottom up. Pigs About Talking Idiot This Got I Long How Look Have a Great day :)

One mistake my mom made when I was three: she taught me how to read the word napkin. The second mistake she made: I asked her why "napkins" were under the sink. She said they were for "special occasions" The third mistake she made: My mom asked me to set the table for the special occasion tonight. So I went to the bathroom and got the "napkins" for special ocassions, and set them on the table. When I got done, my dad came in and burst out in laughter, along with my uncle and aunt as they walked in. When my mom came in, her face turned bright red.

Q: What did the chicken say after it crossed the road? A: "Why is everyone always talking about me?"

Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken. Q: Why did the pencil cross the road? A: It was lead.

What do you get when every car in the nation is pink? Answer: a pink carnation (the flower)

There were three Chinese men who were new to America. They went inside a telephone booth to make a call and they dialed the operator. The operator said i dont understand you, please call back when you know some english. So they were looking around and they heard someone say, "I did it! I did it!" So the first Chinese man learned those words. Then the second Chinese man heard someone say, "For 50 cents, 50 cents." so he learned those words. Then the third man heard someone say, "Im first. Im first." so the last Chinese guy learned those words. Then right in front of them was a body that was murdered. A cop came and took them to court. So when they went to court the judge asked, "Who did it?"