A College football team was on a winning streak, until they found out that their star QB was failing English. The QB couldn't play until he brought his grade up to a C. The other players on the team were desperate for him to play in the championship, so they asked his English professor for extra credit. He agreed and called in the QB. The professor said: "I will give you a simple spelling test and if you pass, I will raise your grade. In fact if you get one word right, I will raise the grade." So the QB takes the test and gets every single word wrong. He begged the professor for one more chance. The professor agreed and told him that if he could get one letter in the word that was given to h

Why is Michael Jackson dating twenty-eight year olds? The answer is: Because there's twenty of them! (twenty eight year olds....)

What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas song? Jungle Bells!

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold!

What did the cop say to the bad popcicle? Freeze!

Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!

Sven and Ole are visiting a relative in Texas. While walking along the street, they see a sign on a store front which reads: Suits $5.00 each Shirts $2.00 each Trousers $2.50 per pair Sven says to his pal, "Hey Ole! We could buy a whole lot of dem and ven ve get back to Minnesota, ve could sell them and make a fortune." "Now ven ve go into the shop, yust let me do all da talkin' cause if dey hear your Minnesota accent dey might tink ve are dumb Norwegians and try ta raise da price - but I can speak with a perfect Texas drawl." They go in, and Sven drawls out an order of 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pair of trousers at $2.50 each. The owner of the shop says "Yo

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Hughie?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Wee Hughie sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office." "You'll have to do better than that. Hughie," said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late? The letters 'UVWXYZ' because they all come after 'T'.

What do you call an alien with no ears? Anything you like, he can't hear you.

What do Micheal Jackson and a PS2 have in common? They're both plastic, can be black or white and can be turned on by children.