A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I'll help you pick the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but Pa wouldn't like me to." "Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted. "Well, OK" the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile; "by the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied the boy.

Interviewer : Give me the opposite words. Banta Singh : OK. Interviewer : Made in India. Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan. Interviewer : Good .... Keep it up. Banta Singh : Bad .... Put it down. Interviewer : Maxi - mum Banta Singh : Mini - dad Interviewer : Enough! Take your seat. Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat. Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat. Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat. Interviewer : I say you get out! Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in. Interviewer : I reject you! Banta Singh : You appoint me. Interviewer : .....!!!!!

One day, three friends met at an inn after not seeig each other for a very long time. They chatted for an hour or so, and then the topic turned to their wives. A: You know, something strange happened during my wife's delivery. She was reading a book called "The Two Brothers" before her delivery and she gave birth to 'two' children ! Isn't that strange?" B: Yeah, but you want to know something stranger ? A similar thing happened to my wife, when she was pregnant ! She was reading the book "Amar, Akbar and Antony", and she gave birth to 'three children' !!!" On hearing this, the third person C, took to his heels and started running. The other two were puzzled but they ran after C and caught

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful. AG : "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship." The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned. AG : See the guts ! RG : "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!" The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned. RG : "See the guts!" IG : "Oh, that's nothing compared to

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns during World War II. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised. Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left

An undertaker had a busy day at work, and in front of him, was 3 new bodies that had been sent from the hospital. The first one his mouth opened wide. He then moved on to see the next body. It too had opened his mouth widely. Surprised, he went over to the last body. This body was charred and had a huge smile on his face. Feeling puzzled, he turned to ask the hospital personnel:" What actually happened to these people? "Well.." replied the personnel, "The first man died from laughing too much at a joke." "The second man died while telling a very funny joke." "The last man..well, he died while taking a picture. At least that was what he thought he was doing. He thought that the ligh

There was once a very depressed man that went to see the psychiatrist. He was advised to go on a holiday to unwind and relax his mental and emotional burdens. Upon his return from the holiday, the man's assistant went to the airport to welcome him back. Man: "How's everything here?" Assistant: "Well, nothing much, but your dog died." Man: "How did he die?" Assistant: "Well, because he ate burned horse meat." Man: "Where did the meat come from?" Assistant: Well..your ranch caught fire and burned down." Man: "What? How did that happen?" Assistant: "It was the sparks from your house that started the fire on the ranch." Man: "What? A fire broke out in my house?" Assistant: "Yes, the

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said,"I need to get up and get a beer." "Don't get up," said the American, "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you". As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too." Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up his ot

There were three midgets. Each one wanted to win a world record. The first midget went in to the place for world records and said I want to see if I have the worlds smallest hands. He came happy and said i got the record. So the second one goes in and says I want to see if I can get the record for the worlds smallest feet. He came out all happy and said i got the record. Then the last one goes in and said I want to see if I have the worlds smallest penis. He came out all sad and said, "Who the in the hell Michael Jackson?!"

1. Say "Darn, officer you must have been going fast to catch up with me." 2. When he approaches you, look at his gut and say, "Hmmm, I thought officers were supposed to be physically fit." 3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting. 4. Lie on the ground and ask him to draw your outline in chalk. 5. Throw his nightstick and tell the police dog to go fetch it. 6. Ask if you can use his pepper spray to spice up your pizza. 7. Tell him you wanted to be a cop, but I decided to graduate high school. 8. When he asks you to walk the line "Riverdance" instead. 9. Instead of pleading with the 5th amendment, plead with the 13th or 16th. 10. When he asks for

Two muffins were sitting next to each other, in an oven, as they were being cooked. One muffin turned to the other muffin, and said, "Man, it's hot in here." Then the other muffin turned to the first muffin and screamed, "AHHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

CO-PILOT: Commander! We are being attacked! COMMANDER: Report your height and status! CO-PILLOT: I'm 5'11 and sittin' in the cockpit.