There was a man, let's call him Gregory. Gregory was carrying a small box, and he went to another man's house (we'll call him Jebediah) and knocked on the door. When Jebediah answered, Gregory said "I have a proposition for you. Take this box. There is a button inside. If you press the button before I return, someone that you don't know will die. Tomorrow, I will return. If you have pressed the button, I will give you $20,000." Gregory left the box with Jebediah. Jebediah had to consider what he was going to do. Eventually he decided that he didn't care about the person, and he pressed the button. The next day, Gregory returned to take back the box. "Well then, I belive that this is yours,

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K = 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and, K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E = 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E = 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% . ..And, B-U-L-L-

A Pakistani guy named Abdul was ringing in flour at his grocery store, and the bag broke, covering him with flour. Abdul rushes home to take a shower. He enters his house and his wife says to him, "Abdul, you're white, what happened to you?" Abdul says "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He runs upstairs and he runs into his son. His son says "Daddy, you're a white man, what happened?" Abdul said "I was ringing in flour, the bag broke, I go take shower." He proceeds towards the bathroom when he is stopped by his daughter. His daughter said "Daddy, you're all white, what happened?" He screams "I've only been white for half an hour, and already I hate you damn pakies!"

Driving to Louisana on the interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn p

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife. In a few minutes, he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he

Roses are red, Roses are yellow; Grandfather's teeth Are lost in the Jello.

You don't have any luck at all if: -The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car's engine does. - You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty. -You get your BIG break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg. -You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it's counterfeit.

Tex: "My uncle can shoot a gun faster than any other man in the West. He can even shoot without removing the gun from his Holster." Rex: "What do they call your uncle?" Tex: "Toeless Joe."

The sheriff of a small western town was also the town veterinarian. Late one night the phone rang, and his wife answered it. "Is your husband there?" asked an agitated voice. "Do you require my husband's services as a sheriff or as a veterinarian?" She asked. "Both," came the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."

Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man Love, To forgive him and Patience, For his moods Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death