Sign at an office: Would the person who removed the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

Sign at an office kitchen: After the tea break, the staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the drain-board.

antique-an item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.

Jack told me you told him that I told you that he was ugly, and I told you not to tell him I told you that! It's his fault! I told him not to tell you I told him what you told me! Well, don't let it happen again--and don't tell him I told you he told me.

I know the day I gave up exercise. You wanna know? Check my birth certificate.

Two guys are in the woods camping out when a bear attacks them. While the bear sniffs around the food, the first guy starts lacing up his sneakers. The second guys goes, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!" The first guy replies, "I dont need to; I only have to outrun you."

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!" "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock." "Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL bo

An actual headline: "Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"

An actual headline: "Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers"

An actual headline: Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.

An actual headline: Deer Kill 17,000