Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over. The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!" "No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over. The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?" "Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."

Do you know what "Never say Never" sounds like ? its like your teacher at your classroom screaming at you and saying "don't say fuck in class!" Justin Bieber's mother often tells his friends stories of when he was little. The stories are from a few months ago. Who's that girl singing? Oh...Wait...Thats justin beiber I called Justin Bieber gay, and he slapped me with his purse. Yo Usher! Are you coming out tonight? -Nah I'm babysitting Justin Bieber! Justin Bieber always sings about girls... she must be a lesbian. Hey you guys are so mean to Justin, leave HER alone! Justin Bieber kept video of himself striping in YouTube, which caught the attention of gay manager and next day he became

illy Ray Cyrus: Hey Miley, When did you record that song ? Miley Cyrus : That's Justin Bieber song . Justin Bieber is borrowing cloths from Lady Gaga for her next video . Q: Why Justin Biebers use elevator most of the time ? A: To reach puberty as soon as possible. Your momma is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber is a Guy . Your mother is so stupid that she think Justin Bieber can sing. Kim Kardasian : I think i got " Bieber Fever" Doctor : No it is "Herpes". Justin staring at Gibson Guitar , " What is this thing , it has 6 strings. My guitar at home has 5 buttons . What does Justin Bieber and the crowd at Time Square for new years have in common? They're both waiting for balls to

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button

Every time I hear the dirty word "Exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

An old lady walks into a bank and says, "I would like to set up an account." The man at the desk says, "Okay, how much would you like to deposit?" The woman replies, "$5,000." "Wow!" says the man, "where did you get all of that?" "I like to make bets." "What type of bets?" The woman replied, "Tomorrow when, I will come in, you will have a butterfly tattoo an your left buttock. I will bet all the money I am about to deposit." "Deal," says the man. The next day the old woman walked in again with her lawyer. the man at the counter pulled down his pants to show the old woman his empty left buttock. "I win!" he said as the woman handed him his money. Behind her, the lawyer put his head

A man was solving a crossword. For a four-letter word there was a clue: Look at the picture ! The man entered: I see .

there was a man who lived in a small town who did not talk much to his neighbors. the only thing they knew about him was the fact that he always had the precise time, because every day at 3:00 pm (no later, no sooner) he took a walk, and came back at exactly 3:30 pm (no later, no sooner). this man was always so perfectly on time that everyone set their clocks to him, including the clock tower. one day one of the man's neighbors walked up to the old man and asked, "how do you keep your clocks so precise?" "simple," replied the old man, "i just set it to the old clock tower." who's clock was set off whose?

Class was starting, and the teacher was taking attendance. She noticed that two of her top students were missing. Right after that, Billy came in. She asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." The teacher tells him to sit. A few minutes later Timmy comes in. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" He replies, "I was just on top of Blueberry Hill." She tells him to sit. A few minutes later a new girl walks into class. The teacher says, "Oh you must be the new girl. What's your name?" The girl replies, "I'm Blueberry Hill."

I saw on the news a little boy being carried up to the sky. I got scared cause I thought Michael Jackson was ordering take-out from Heaven.

A couple was driving down the street and they hear a siren going off. They pull over to the side and wait for the cop to come over. The cop comes up and they see that it's Officer Alf. The man groans cause Alf is the rudest cop in town. Alf asks the man for his license and registration. The man gives it to him and Alf rudely rips it out of his hands and tells the man to wait. When he comes back he sneezes and his face turns red. The man says bless you and asks why his face is so red. Alf replies, "I get this way when it's about to rain. Anyway, here is your ticket for speeding." He walks away gruffly. The man looks up to see nothing but a clear blue sky. He starts driving again; a few minu

The Pope, the smartest man in the world, a father, and a son were in a plane that was going to crash. There were only three parachutes in the plane. The Pope says to them, "I need a parachute because I am worshiped by many people of religion." So he takes a parachute and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "I am the smartest man in the world so I deserve a parachute." He takes a parachute and jumps. The father then looks at the son and says, "I have lived a long life and I think you should take a parachute because you have so much to live for." The little boy looks at the dad and says, "It's alright daddy. We can both go. The smartest man in the world took my backpack."