A kid was at school when his male teacher was passing out alot of homework. The teacher was named bob. Mr. Bob said ''no help from your mom''. The kid named josh ask ''why can't we have help from are mom ''.Mr.bob replied '' your mom probally be very busy tonight so I will call your mom to make sure you want''.So he decided not to ask his mom for help on his homework. when he got home Mr.bob called his mom. She went to her room. When she got in there was a loud noise and he went in there to see what was the matter.mr.bob was sitn there with his mom.And affter a while mr.bob said ''did you finish your homework''.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him i

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers: * Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High". * Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy! * Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. * The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. * The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

"What I saw, it was burned into my mind forever." "Well, that explains the red markings on your scalp."

One stormy night an English, Irish and Scottish man were walking home and had no shelter so at the top of this big hill they found this haunted house. They were all freaked out and hesitated to go in. Eventually, the English man went in and found a five pound note sitting on the table and he goes to lift it when all of a sudden the ghost of Mickey Mouse appears and says, "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse; lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house." Next the Scottish man went in and saw the fiver, but before he could lift it the ghost of Mickey Mouse appeared again and said, "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse; lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house." Finally, the Irishman went in and lift

A store owner makes a sign to hang in his window. FRESH FISH SOLD HERE A critic walks into the store and asks the owner if he would like his store critiqued. He says yes. "Well, first thing's the sign," says the critic. "'Fresh Fish Sold Here'? Well, where else would you sell 'em?" FRESH FISH SOLD "'Fresh Fish Sold'. What else would you be doing, giving 'em away?" FRESH FISH "'Fresh Fish'. Kinda obvious. Would you sell rotting fish?" FISH "'Fish'. People walk by, they see a fish in the window. What do they think you sell, chicken?" -

It was my first vacation out of my home country - I was going to Australia. It was also going to be my first time on a plane, so I got a nice, large, purple bag with one of the long, pull-out handles and wheels on the bottom so you can pull it around. It was a new experience for me! But, when I got to Australia, I watched the carousel go around and I saw nothing but the long handle. I even checked the sticker, and it was from my bag. I was furious. I walked up to a woman who worked at the airport and said, "Explain this to me!" She looked at the handle. "Are you sure that's your bag?" she replied. "Yes!" I cried, "but I'm missing most of it!" "Well, did you leave it unattended at some point

Three friends sat down in the new cafe' in town. They began to have casual conversation, and eventually jokes were brought up. One of them said, "Oh, did you hear the joke about the guy in hell drinking coffee and eating a doughnut?" Before anyone could answer, though, the man across the room told the waitress, "I'll have some coffee and a doughnut"

Everyone knows that common phrase, meaning, 'COME ON, I NEED TO GET LUCKY!' Well, whenever I need to get lucky, I say, Daddy needs a new pair o' pants! (Come on, winter is coming!)

1. Thinly smear a layer of white shaving cream on a white toilet seat and wait for the next poor sap to sit down. 2. Get some poppers (the little white paper balls with the flint in them) and place them under the pegs of a toilet seat. When the next person sits down, the loud BANG will scare the shit out of them. 3. Take some liquid hand soap and mix it with water, then, dab your finger in the liquid and write something on the mirror. Once dried, the soap should be nearly invisible. The next time someone takes a shower and fogs up the mirror, the writing will appear. 4. If you have a shower head that screws off, this prank can be priceless. Unscrew the head an carefully pour red kool-aid

One day, Farrah Fawcett died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter greeted her. "Hello, and welcome. You have lived a life full of prosperity and love. You have given millions around the world entertainment with your acting. Now I will provide you with one wish for the Earth before you enter Heaven. What is it?" Farrah thought for a minute, but answered, "I would like all the children in the world to be safe." The next day, Michael Jackson died.

This poem is for every guy who has a girl who wants poetry and songs devoted entirely to them ;) ( Sung to row row row my boat ) Suck, suck, suck my cock suck my god damn cock blow it hard you fucking 'tard suck my god damn cock! Please, if this offends you don't read it, no need to comment on how horrid it is, this is not every one's brand of humor . . .