Sharon and her friend Kitty, two little elderly ladies, are out for a drive in a large Mercedes with Kitty driving and Sharon in the front passenger seat. After a few minutes, they come to some traffic lights but although the lights are clearly at red, the car just continues across the intersection. Sharon says to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." A few minutes later, they come to another set of lights and again they go through red, this time narrowly missing a car driving across them. Although Sharon is sure the light was at red, she is still convinced she is losing it. She is now getting very nervous. At the next intersection, the light

What color is red? True or false?

There once was a man who couldn't speak correctly. He wanted to go buy some stuff for his wife. First, he needed to buy a bucket. "Excuse me sir, can I buy a fuck-it?" the man asked. The clerk said, "You mean a bucket?" "Yes, that's what I said, a fuck-it." While the man was walking he found some gum. "Oh look, bum." He took the gum and walked to the pet store. He wanted to buy a cocker spaniel. "Excuse me sir, can I buy a cock-and-spank-it?" "Sure, but you do mean a cocker spaniel?" "Yes, that's what I said, a cock-and-spank-it." As the man was walking, and his dog ran away. The man asked a stranger, "Excuse me miss, can you hold my bum and fuck-it, while I get my cock-and-spank-it?"

Ok, now the last time I did this, I got a lot of comments saying that there's no point, and they only submit things they think is funny and blah blah blah. Well, anyways, I'm planning to do this.... again.. and by the way, I think it'd be extremely funny. Everyone, please give this a full smiley. Sooner or later, this is going to become the highest rated "joke". I figured it'd be extremely funny if the highest rated joke, wasn't even a joke at all... Thanks a billion for your cooperation!!

knock knock, who's there animal animal who? animal i kin git lots of stuff iffn i have ta money

Inside i could hear a lot of bass noise pumping. I went outside to see what it was and i found out it was a drummer practicing. I went inside and told my family that the player made a mistake and said dammit. My brother said "I wonder which band it was?"

Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't know, but stop your crying!

There once was a village, it was powerful and had the strongest warriors, one day, a tourist goes to them and says they were cowards, they yelled and beat him, but finally, the tourist said, "This book says that the Paccachu are selfish people who steal, and are cannibals." The villagers looking at the book scream and run around the village. One man however, looks at the book and laughs. The man stays where he is and doesn't panic like his fellow village. The tourist, finally gathering enough courage asks him, "How come your not scared?" The man smirks and replies, "I can't read."

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning. 3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going now?" 4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leav

Melvyn and Max were left quite a large plot of land by their rich father. However, this caused the two sons much grief. For months they argued long and hard over how the land should be divided between them. The solution just wasn't that simple, so they took the problem to their priest. "Father," said Melvyn, "can you please help us solve our problem?" As soon as he had heard their case, Father Murphy said, "Come back tomorrow and we'll talk again." The next day, Melvyn and Max returned and the priest gave them his solution. He gave Max a coin and said, "You can toss the coin." "And you," said Father Murphy to Melvyn, "can call it, heads or tails. Whoever wins the toss will divide the land.

Little Willy, full of hell, Threw his sister in the well. Their mother said when drawing water, "It's so hard to raise a daughter."

"Hey," says Jim, "this match won't light!" "Strange," says Ned,. "It worked okay this morning."