# "Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something. You can be a genius, but when you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big building I like food bye..'" # "I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin." # "You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither." # "My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'" # "It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very simila

I'm not being rascist, this actually happened to me. I was driving my car late at night along a fairly busy road, when I came across a very busy junction. Coming towards me, on the wrong side of the road, with no lights on except for the left indicator, was an Asian lady in her 4x4. I stopped, and started to back up, and she stopped at the junction as well, and turned right down another road (with her left indicator still on), and also still on the wrong side.

"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus." "Well done! A+"

A prisoner in the new Allegheny County Jail in Pittsburgh attempted to evade his punishment by engineering an escape from his confinement. Jerome constructed a hundred-foot rope of bedsheets, broke through a supposedly shatter-proof cell window, began to climb to freedom down his makeshift ladder. It is not known whether his plan took into account the curiosity of drivers on the busy street and Liberty Bridge below. It certainly did not take into account the sharp edges of the glass, the worn nature of the bedsheet, nor the great distance to the pavement. The bottom of the knotted bedsheet was 86 feet short of the ground. But our hero did not reach the end of the rope. The window pane slice

Apparently safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a roof four stories in the air! On June 20, 2007 at 5 AM a 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road by a passing cabbie. Brent Tyler and Chelsey Tubleston were unconscious with obvious injuries and were taken to the nearest hospital where, despite treatment, were pronounced dead later that morning. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no wrecked cars, motorcycles, or any other witnesses to what had happened – and there were no signs of their clothing! Police found clues when they searched the top of a nearby building where they located their clothes, neatly folded. "I

A teenage guitarist got so carried away while bouncing up and down on his bed mimicking a rock star that he flew out of a third floor window to his death, a Singapore newspaper reported yesterday. The Straits Times said Li Xiao Meng, a 16-year-old from China who was studying at Singapore's Hua Business School, was a keen musician who liked to jump up and down while playing his guitar in his hostel room. "But on November 17 he took things a bit too far," the newspaper said, reporting on a coroner's court findings. Ruling death by misadventure, the court said evidence "points to the deceased unintentionally falling out of the window to his death when he was hyped up with exhilaration, jumpi

Ivan, an experienced parachutist with 800 jumps under his belt, was videotaping a private lesson given by an instructor for a single trainee. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction, and the supporting power supply and recorder were in a heavy satchel slung on his back. The group went up in the plane, and the instructor led the enthusiastic beginner through preparations for the jump. Ivan carefully documented the lesson, which needed to be perfect for the sake of posterity. When they reached the jump site, Ivan jumped from the back of the plane and filmed the student and instructor jumping from the front of the plane. A few hear

To support his wife and 11 children, Charles Stephens, 58-year-old "Demon Barber of Bristol," needed more money than he could make giving shaves and haircuts. Even his sideline as a daredevil, performing high dives and parachute jumps in England, barely helped cover the bills. He needed something big, something to make his reputation. There was nothing bigger and more daredevil-ish than going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Only two people had ever done it, and lived [check fact]. It didn't matter that one, Annie Taylor, was living in abject poverty or that the other, Bobby Leach, was trying to talk him out of using his heavy Russian oak barrel without first sending it on a test run. Leach'

Eric A. Barcia, a 22-year-old Reston, VA resident, was found dead yesterday after he used bungee cords to jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. The fast food worker taped a number of bungee cords together and strapped one end around his foot. Barcia had the foresight to anchor the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, and he even remembered to measure the length of the bungee cords to make sure that they were a few feet short of the 70 foot drop. He proceeded to fall headfirst from the trestle, and hit the pavement 70 feet below several seconds later. Fairfax County police said "The stretched length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance betwe

Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother's Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ. Hall blamed the maiming on a woman named Brenda, whom he met at a local gas station the previous night. He brought Brenda to his trailer, parked in the driveway of his brother's Fairfield home, and had sex. Around 3AM, the woman mentioned revenge and cut off his penis with a razor-sharp hobby knife, then fled the trailer on foot. Details of the attack were sketchy, and police were unsure why Hall could not d

What do call a crying alien baby? An Unidentifyed Crying Object!

You go to sleep on the couch in your living room one night, but you find yourself unable to get any sleep. You realize it is probably because you are hungry, so you go and make a pb&j, and eat it. ..... You lay back down. ...... After a while, you get sorta thirsty, so you get up again and go get a drink of rootbeer. GULP~GULP~GULP~....BURP! ...... You lay back down. ..... Still no sleep. You do what everybody recommends - you count sheep. 1...2...3...4....5.... You have to go to the bathroom from all of that rootbeer. .... You lay back down. ...... Still no sleep, so you start singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," to yourself - but when you finish, you are still not tired. You say y