Hey, pal! Buddy, friend, mate, amigo! I've just heard that I won first prize in a competition! It's a ten-day holiday for me and five others to Disney World! So I was wondering, if you're not doing anything next Wednesday, if you could put my garbage can out for collection!

"Of course I know what I'm doing!" "Trust me." "Say, what happens if I press this?" "Stop being so negative!" "I'm perfectly fine. Really." "Do you smell something burning?" "It's not that poisonous. Look, if I eat some first will you try it?" "See? Told you I wasn't afraid of heights!" "You know, bears are really very social creatures. That one over there is smiling at me!" "I think this is what they said to do. At any rate, I guess we'll see soon!" "No! Why would I need to read some silly instructions?" "Just wondering - what does skull and cross-bones mean? Did this bottle belong to pirates? It did taste kind of odd."

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also nev

Paris - French Prime Minister Jacques Chirac, in honor of France's agreement with Germany to undermine America's efforts in the War on Terror, took German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder on a tour of sites in the French capital city that were visited by another German Chancellor, Adolf Hitler, during his famous Victory Tour of 1940. "It's so nice to be collaborating with the Germans again," said Chirac during a press conference at the Versailles Palace outside of Paris. "I mean, it's not like there was any real resistance movement when Germany ruled us during World War II. And those black leather coats the Gestapo men wore. Simply to die for." Most French citizens this reporter spoke with exp

Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French? A. I give up.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel? A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks? A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris? A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

Q: Why is good to be French? A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.