These are real labelings on real products that they sell around the world. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a SUGGESTION.) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Hmm, a no go on the dessert) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Really? I thought it would be cold) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Oh darn, I was going to!) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (That would really brin

How do you know policemen are strong? Because they can hold up traffic. What do termites eat for breakfast? Oakmeal. What do massage therapists eat for dinner? Spa-ghetti. Why were the suspenders arrested? For holding up a pair of pants. How does the queen bee get around her hive? She's throne. What do bees do if they don't want to drive? Wait at the buzz stop. Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" What's the friendliest school? Hi school. What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard. (It's good for a hot dog.)

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat. Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest

How can a person living in Minnesota be buried in Milwaukee?

I Found this on another website, it is soooo true =D You call your dog Shinji and your cat Neko. You perform a canon ball dive into a pool while yelling "Spirit Bomb!" Your house has an anime room. You and your friends flash peace signs and take girlish poses when you are happy. You get an anime tattoo. Even though you're scared of needles. Your walls are covered in wall scrolls and posters from your favorite series. If you use the term 'Kawaii' for describing everything. You try to convince your girlfriend that 'cat ears' and 'tail' really looks good on them. You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you don't speak Japanese... You spent hours l

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language." "I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've not taught that bird to swear." "Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor, "but yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."

Two anthropologists fly to the South Sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives. "Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist. "Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!" He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?" The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!" He then points at a rock and says, "and that?" The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!" "You see!" says the beaming anthropol

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old-fashioned. I wouldn't be surprised if this tree gave you less than twenty pounds of apples." "Wouldn't surprise me, either," said the farmer, "this is an orange tree."

One day at a school for the deaf (hearing impaired), they decide to have one of the students lead a pep rally for the football team. Here's how it went. Rally leader: What are we gonna do? Ralliers: Defeat them! RL: I can't hear you! R: Defeat them! RL: I can't hear you! R: Defeat them! RL: I can't hear you! R: Defeat them! RL: I can't hear you!

I was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea.... He turned to the crowd of guests and said, "Will those who are from the bride's side of the family stand up please?" About twenty people stood. Then he asked, "Will those who are from the groom's side of the family stand up as well?" About twenty five people stood up. Then he smiled and said, "Will all those who stood please leave, this is a birthday party."

Into town I drove my tank, I was gonna rob a bank. My money was running really low, As I got near I shouted "bank ho!" Drove a hole right through the wall, Found I was in a shoppin' mall. I 'poligized'n left through the hole. I was definitely not on a roll. I snuck a look at my GPS™ Blew up a truck labeled HESS™. Then I proceeded towards the bank; Oh how dearly I love my tank. Headed towards the Eastern wall, Ran a kid over, like a doll. With a push and a heave, the wall broke. The button "fire" I got ready to poke. Oh so fun to rob a bank; 'cept my hair was pretty lank. Wouldn't believe how hot it was there, Humidity is bad for your hair. Shot down the security, Their defense wa