The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?" "No, lady, not yet; I'll let you know," he replied, time after time. The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady." "Is this Oriskany Falls?" "YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!" "Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got to Oriskany Falls, it'll be time take my blood pressure pill."

365.25 days on a low-calorie diet - 1 lite year

This will make your computer A LOT faster, and it is REALLY EZPZ! The thing is, most ppl lack the knowlege to use it. 1.Go to the START menu 2. Click My Computer 3. Right click (C:) 4.Click Format 5. Click Yes 6. Repeat on (D:), then (E:), then (A:) 7. TA DA! FTR, if you do this, you will completely erase everything on your computer

Father O'Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, he decides to take a vacation. He's never been married and is curious about what Americans endure in everyday life, so he decides to go to the States before it's too late. He hops on a Nevada bound plane and arrives at the airport in Las Vegas. While he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to hm and exclaims, "Elvis! Good Lord, it's Elvis! I always knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?" Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can you not see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a bit like him." He then moves on to his taxi waiting outside. He hops in the cab and is a little upset,

WARNING- this is very racial. Please forgive me if it offends you, but its true when you think about it. Since we have so many Mexicans saying,"o we want to serve you americans, work in america...",why dont we just put them in the army. We give them our supplies. They go, jump the border like no manyana and set up base. With all the tanks the Iraqis have, they go and before you notice it they have the wheeles, the tank is up on cinder blocks and they are out of there, just like they do in the city. We have tanks, with guns that turn 360 degrees. 360. So if you think about it, its like a drive by. So lets let all the blacks go in and control the tanks. So we get into Iraq, and we have a driv

When the media askes George Bush a question about the war he says, "Uhh, Can I use a life line?"

Two kids were sitting at a lunch table. One was quite a joke-teller, so he started telling a joke he had heard. "There are three types of people in this world," he said, "those who can count and those who can't." The other kid said, "But what about the other type of person?" "There is no other type!" the first kid said, "that was the joke!" "No! You said it wrong! You didn't say what the third type was!" "That was the joke! TWO TYPES of people in this world! Those who can count, AND THOSE WHO CANT!" "But you didn't say what the third type was!" So, after many hours, the second boy FINALLY understood the joke.

No Smoking Prohibited Slow Children Warning: corners of sign are sharp A Street Downtown 1 Quarter Mile No Parking 2am-5am (right underneath that sign) 2 Hour parking 9am-6pm (right underneath that sign) 15 minute parking 8am-5pm Caution- water on road during rain Airplane Crossing Bear Bottom Drive Emergency telephone 174 km ahead Road hump ahead Tank Xing

A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the game - and Dad can't find the tickets. Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there." Bobby: "No probs, Dad." Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders. "I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "but I guess it is impossible." "I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months." "Please, tell me what you did." "I went to a faith healer." "But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit." The other woman whispered, "Try going alone next time, dear."

Joseph, Mary and their son were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?" "No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer again."

Carton of eggs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $3 Ski mask~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $14 Tickets to a Brittany concert~~~~~~ $84 Egging the crap out of America's Pop Princess?? PRICELESS