At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed. "What painter?" "The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'." "Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!" "That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"

An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain: "When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike." "Well, I don't think much of it either," replied the GI.

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" they asked. He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?" There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!"

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?" "Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television." "That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime." "What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

Haiku are funny But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, something that had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government ha

Alabama *It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. *Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. *It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. ~~~ California *Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. *Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. *Bathhouses are against the law. [Get the full text of this law.] *It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. *Women may not drive in a house coat. ~~~ Florida *Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. *A special law prohibits unmarried women fr

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury. --

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN GEORGIA: 1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in GEORGIA. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in GEORGIA plus a couple no one's seen before 4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. 5. Onced and twiced are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy. 7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic. 8. People actually grow and eat okra. 9. Fixinto is one word. 10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper. 11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you st art drinking it when you' re two. We do l