So, what did one Bowling pin say to the other Bowling pin? ............................ Hey, you're a knock out!

Did you hear about the magic car? It turned into a driveway!

If I'm canoeing up a tree, how many cupcakes does it take to get to the moon? None, since vests don't have sleeves.

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always

Good friends are the ones who will bail you out of jail. But... TRUE friends are the ones who wil be sitting next to you in prison and say, "You know, we sure messed up there, buddy!"

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offense. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty days' pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."

Schwarznegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?

Old world charm - Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light. Tropical - Rainy. Majestic setting - A long way from town, at end of dirt road. Options galore - Nothing is included in the price. Secluded hideaway - Directions to locate unclear. Some budget rooms - Sorry, already occupied. Explore on your own - At your own expense. Minutes From ??? - By Plane Romantic - No Phone in room Knowledgeable trip hosts - They've flown in an airplane before. No extra fees - No extras available. Bird Watchers Paradise - Your car's paint will never be the same Nominal fee - Outrageous charge. Standard - Sub-standard. Deluxe - Barely Standard. Superior accommodations- One complimentary chocolate, free shower

Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh."

Chuck Norris has two speeds - walk and kill. Chuck Norris sold law and order for using the names of his arms and legs. Chuck Norris hides his third arm underneath his beards. When Chuck Norris does a push up he is not pushing himself up, he is pushing the world down.

A woman was about to have a set of triplets. While in the womb, the triplets were trying to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up. The first one said that he wanted to be an electrician, and the others asked him why. He said, "So I can get some light in this place." The second one said that he wanted to be a plumber, because their house was flooded. The third said that he wanted to be a trapper. The other two asked him why he wanted to do that and he said "So I can catch that damn weasel that keeps poking its head in and out of here."