What is the similarity between girls and tea? They are both hot and with milk. What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathroom? The girl in church has a soul full with hope and the girl in the bathroom has a hole full with soap. What is the difference between the sky and the skirt? The sky covers the whole universe and the skirt covers the universal hole.

Q: What is the difference between a plate and a booger? A: The plate is on the table, but the booger is under the table. Q: What is the difference between a prince and a booger? A: The prince is the heir to the throne, but the booger is thrown to the air.

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876. "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" - David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." - A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) "Who the hell

Descartes walked into a McDonalds and ordered a veggieburger. The guy behind the counter asked "Do you want fries with that?" Descartes replied "I think not," and poof - he disappeared.

One guy went to see a doctor because he had a hearing problem, so he met his friend and the conversation began! First guy: "Did the doctor give you your test results?" Second guy: "Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me. I have hearing AIDS."

A kid said to his Dad, "In school I learned Pluto is in outerspace. But they didn't say where Mickey is."

So this kid has been using lots of his dad's money and the dad says, "Do you think money grows on trees?" "Ya," says the kid. "Well, it doesn't," says the dad. "So what is money made out of, Dad?" "Paper," the dad says. "And what is paper made out of?" "Shut up."

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." - A. Whitney Brown "When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other." - Rita Rudner "I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." - Bruce Baum "USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." - David Letterman "If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology." - Jay Leno

There was once, Mr. Maggi mee was walking along the streets and noticed Mr. Meatball just a few metres ahead of him. He then went up, gave Mr. Meatball a good beating and left. Mr. Meatball, not wanting to take this insult, gathered all his meatball friends and arranged to meet outside Mr. Maggi mee's house to seek vengence on the beating. They pressed the bell, and Mr. Spaghetti opened the door. They walloped him and as they did, Mr. Spaghetti asked : why are you guys beating me? Mr. Meatball replied : "Don't think that just because you had yourself rebonded, we wouldn't recognise you!"

A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage(and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut, up in his, near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating 'this deadly gas'." Three of the res

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

In the USA they go ice skating. In Canada we go skating; we just assume it will be on ice!