Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax? A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day. Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger? A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number. Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax? A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure. Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind? A. Certainly not. As far as we can see. Q. There is a place on our street where you can go a

In 1976, the Pentagon returned 50 security doors because of a design flaw. The doors, which cost $1,500.00 each, had titanium locks and handles, and a 0.0001" clearance at all edges. The problem was discovered when an angry secretary threw her coffee cup at one of the doors. It went right through the 1/16 inch wood veneer. It was also discovered that if you pulled on the handle, it would come off in your hand. In 1948, Mayor Jose Hussong, of Baja California, Mexico had a section of highway named after him by the people of his city. On the day it was to be dedicated, a group of officials waited for him to arrive. After they had waited for 2 hours, one of the officials went to the mayor's es

Here's to all the Secret Santas! Enjoy! It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies, the elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in, making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners. Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and my elves are on strike, all my reindeer are drun

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations o

ON MODERNISM How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. THOUGHTS ON METAPHYSICS Deja Vu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before. ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like night. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and demand a refund? ON HIGHER EDUCATION College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink.

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving? A. Depends on what you're doing with them. Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A

Shirts must have too much room, look what people have written on them... Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound as they go flying by. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus. Some days you are the

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small. ---------------------------------------------------------- Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me." Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you?" ---------------------------------------------------------- When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. ---------------------------------------------------------- A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?" ----

When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog." The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker. The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot."

Teacher: "Can someone tell me three kinds of triangles? Yes, Jimmy?" Jimmy: "OK, so there's right, isosceles, and you, your husband, and the mailman." The class laughed. "OK, young man. Now you're going straight to the principal." said the teacher. And the principal laughed too.

The good, the bad and the ugly. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids; Bad: You can't find your birth control pills; Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room; Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there; Ugly: You're in them. Good: Your husband understands fashion; Bad: He's a cross-dresser; Ugly: He looks better than you. Good: Your son's finally maturing; Bad: He's involved with the woman next door; Ugly: So are you. Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter; Bad: She keeps interrupting; Ugly: With corrections. Good: Your wife's not talking to you; Bad: She wants a divorce; Ugly: She's a lawyer. Good: The postman's early; Ba