Category Jokes - Other / Misc
WARNING: if your answer "yes" to any of these questions then you know that you are weird and you believe too much in dragons.
Ocasionally when you see a bird do you find yourself saying "O merlin hand me my mighty sword so I can slay this foul dragon"?
Do you find yourself trying to rob a bank with a bow and arrow?
Do you have any "magic staffs" lying around?
Do you search for dragon eggs for at least 1 hour every day?
Do you refer to your car as your "trusty steed"?
Do your think your phone is a magical scrying device?
When you call the cops, do you call them the saviors?
Have you ever seen yourself writing in an ancient language(A.K.A. gibberish.)?
When you kill something or when
1) The Code of Ethics for Lawyers.
2) Americans' Guide to Etiquette.
3) The World Guide to Good American Beer.
4) Safe Places to Travel in the USA.
5) Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity.
6) The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle.
7) Consumer Marketing Ethics.
8) Career Opportunities for History Majors.
9) Great Women Drivers Of Today.
10) Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno.
11) Things I Love About Bill
By: Hillary Clinton.
12) My Life's Memories
By: Ronald Reagan.
13) Things I Can't Afford
By: Bill Gates.
1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to 'share the wealth' with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC).
2. Repeat #1, only engage in a 'cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a 'cuppy' is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.)
3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doi
Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the dece
One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.
I was watching T.V. and an advertisement for the show, "Monk" comes on. I don't watch the show, but I love the commercials
He says to a Dr:
"I'm not even stalking you. At least not at the moment."
I laughed for at least ten minutes. Even snorted.
Man in car,
Went to bar.
Feeling nifty,
Doing fifty.
Hit a car,
Poor old soul.
Doctor's fee,
CEMETARY!
...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
...the Sun is too loud.
...trees begin chasing you.
...you can see individual air molecules vibrating.
...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee.
...you can hear mimes.
...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
...things become "Very Clear."
...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your
1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
7. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
8. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
9. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
10. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
11. No movie. Don't need one.
A farmer and his son live on a farm in the middle of Nowhere, USA. One day the farmboy says to his father, "I'm bored."
His father replies, "What are you talking about? Farm life is great!" He then adds, "However, I will admit, it is a little slow though. Nothing much to do except count the bricks in the silo."
To this the boy says, "11,827."
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
(Just how guilty was he?)
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
(I say, give it to him.)
Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper Nor Body Found
(What?)
After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
(Well, this confirms what many of us have suspected about California.)
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
(Modern science is amazing, isn't it?)
Home
