I AM NOT A RACIST PERSON, I JUST FIND THIS FUNNY. There was once a rich pakistani. His name was Azif. (As if)

What do you call two thieves? A pair of knickers!

There was once a Chinese immigrant who came to England; he didn't know English, so he decided to learn some words by walking around the city of Nottsbourough. He walks into a nursery and all of the babies are shouting, "Me, me!" So he learns the word "Me". He then walks into a restaurant and a boy screams, "Knives and forks!" He learns those two words as well. Finally, he walks into a video shop and he sees the television playing, "Dunununununununununununu, BATMAN!" He then learns that as well. Suddenly there is big commotion outside, and a policeman shouts, "Who killed this man?" (there was a dead man lying on the floor.) The Chinese man walks out of the shop and shouts, "Me!" The policem

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator 1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) Meow occasionally. 6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) Say "Ding" at each floor. 8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a b

Here's a good trick to try on people... Say to them: "I'm going to ask you two questions. one you have to answer yes, the other you have to answer no. 1st question: Are you stupid? <(you can put in anything you want here) 2nd question: Are you a liar?

I am sure most people have heard of or watched the popular show the Ozbournes and still more people have Heard Ozzy sing. My question is how can Ozzy sing if he can't talk???

There once was a man who died and went to heaven. There he saw a hot babe and a ladder. The babe said "you can have sex with me or climb the ladder to success." The man climbed the ladder. There he saw an even hotter babe who said the same thing. He climbed the ladder again. He saw yet another ladder and an even hotter babe, hotter than the previous ones. She said the same thing. So the man climbed the ladder one more time. This time he saw an extremely ugly man. The ugly man said "Hi, I'm Sess, suck me."

I'll get a world record for this. It's fireproof. He's probably just hibernating. I'm making a citizen's arrest. So, you're a cannibal. Are you sure the power is off? Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? I've seen this done on TV. These are the good kind of mushrooms. Let it down slowly. Rat poison only kills rats. Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town. It's strong enough for both of us. This doesn't taste right. Nice doggie. I've done this before. Well, we've made it this far. That's odd. Don't be so superstitious.

I was in Target the other day, shopping with a young lady friend. We were walking past the furniture section where there were several different models of bar stools on display. Next to them there was a sign that read: "All models in stock now!" So I paused next to the display and said, "Do you know what these are?" "What?" she asked. I said, "Stool samples."

Two neighbours were talking to each other. One said to the other "Have you told your son to stop imitating me?" The other one replied "Yes. Yesterday I went up to him and said 'Stop acting such a fool!'..."

A young reporter was sent on his first assignment. He sent in the following report to the office - "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her breasts." The editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. we don't use words like 'breasts' around here. Go back and write something more appropriate!" The young reporter thought for a few minutes, and finally sent in this report - "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her ( . ) ( . )."

A man was travelling at 180 miles per hour on a motorway and was pulled over by the traffic police. The man asked: "Sorry officer, was I driving too fast?" The policeman replied, "No, you were flying too low..."