What math term tells what acorns say when they are a tree??? Geometry!! (Geo-m-e-try) (Gee I'm a tree)

I love it when you go down on me... you relieve so much tension and stress... but when you're making me feel really good, you come back up... Stupid gas prices...

Paddy:- "Hello, is that 77 77 77? Can you call 911, my finger is stuck in the 7"

Joe: Do you know the difference between a chicken and lettuce? Jill: No. Joe: Remind me not to send you to the supermarket!

Why are they called old sayings? Are they really old? If someone came up with a new one, would it be a new saying? "A penny saved is a penny earned." Who cares about a penny? A more appropriate version would be, "A penny saved is absolutely worthless. Try a quarter next time." "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." Why? What if apples went extinct? What would happen then? What if you were allergic to them? What if your dad was a doctor? Would that keep him away? "Ignorance is bliss." I though bliss was a GOOD thing... "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched." But you can't! Before they are hatched, they'd be EGGS. "Ask no questions and hear no lies." But what if they tell th

Enter this old elementary school story onto your calculator fun a cheap laugh - the numbers or signs that you should enter are in quotes. Once upon a time, there was an old lady who was "69" years old. She had always thought that her boobs were "222" (too too too) big. So she went to "51" (fifty-first) street to see Doctor "X" "8" times. When she came back, she was...*turn calculator upside-down and read*

Teacher: Whats usually used as the conductor of electricity? Orville: Why-er.... Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power? Orville: The what? Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.

What is the secret of success? "push" said the doorbell "never be lead" said the pencil "Take panes" said the window "always keep cool" said the ice "never lose your head" said the drum "make light of everything" said the fire "be sharp in all your dealings" said the knife "find a good thing and stick to it" said the glue

Good luck turns into bad luck when you call the credit card company to tell them they made a mistake on your bill..... and they agree because they didn't charge you enough. Good luck turns into bad luck when the cutest boy rings you up.... then apologies because he dialed the wrong number.

Whats faster than a speeding bullet, more powerfull than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings and has a carpark? Super market

This is a certified true story. One of the instructors at the local training centre decided to try to pull the leg of one the labourers who worked there. He told the lad, who lived in a little fishing port about 12 miles away, that there was a job coming available soon in his home town. The lad asked what job this was, and was told that the job was not very arduous, but paid good money because it involved unsocial hours, going out to the end of the 679 meter pier twice a day and telling the tide when it was time to come in. "You must think I'm soft", he said, and the boys thought he'd twigged, only for him to restore their faith in his stupidity - "That sort of job is handed down from father

There is a very simple way to explain the theory of mind over matter. Once you lose you mind, nothing matters.