And God created woman and she had three breasts. God then asked the woman, "Is there anything you would like to have changed?" "Yes," the woman replied. "Could you get rid of this middle breast?" And so it was done. Holding the third breast in her hand, the woman exclaimed, "What can be done with this useless boob?" And God created man.

This is an actual chatroom conversation from a "local Chatroom" Joe: I wonder what would happen if you had a sleep number bed, and set it to 69? Christy: ? huh? Mike: I dont know, but it sure sounds tasty! Joe: You probably wouldn't understand Christy, you're too pure and innocent. Christy: Maybe... sounds more like a police code or something Mike: lol, ya, that's it. "This is the dispatcher, what is your status" Joe: lol "We have a 69 in progress at the overpass, Officer needs assistance" Mike: "Move in! Move in! Officer has gone down, repeat, Officer has gone down! Joe: "Someone better call the fire department, looks like we'll need the Jaws of Life for this one!" Christy:

A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. "Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat. A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up. This happens several times over the next few minutes. Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"

Marriage "Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" - Rita Rudner

"You could use your old computer to shop for a new computer online. But that seems kind of cruel, doesn't it? Like asking your dying spouse if he or she has any cute friends." - Scott Ostler

It is important - 1. It is important to find a woman who is a good cook and housekeeper. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex regularly. 4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

As the Broadway showgirls were dressing for a performance, one of them noticed her friend was no longer sporting a flashy engagement ring. "What happened, Lily?" she asked, pointing to the bare finger. "The wedding off?" "Yeah," Lily admitted. "I saw him in a bathing suit last week, and he looked so different without his wallet."

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, "When we were first married we came to an agreement - I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And now, after 60 years of marriage, I can truthfully say that we have never needed to make a MAJOR decision."

A woman and her lover are in bed, when there's a knock on the door. She says, "It must be my husband! Ok, I'll handle this." She grabs the trash bin, opens the door and, smiling sweetly, says to her husband, "Darling, please empty the trash." While he is out, the other man escapes and walks back home. He thinks, "She is sooo smart, unlike my wife." He comes up to his door and knocks, his wife opens the door, and hands him the trash bin, saying, "Darling, please empty the trash bin." He carries the basket, thinking, "What a stupid bitch! The whole damn day at home, and can't find some time to empty the trash!"

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill. Bill: "While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes on like this all night." Frank: "That sounds unbelievable. Have you really been there?" Bill: "No, but my sister has."

Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.