After she was finished with Cinderella, the fairy godmother paid a visit on another poor young girl, Minuetta. Extremely flat-chested, the woman is convinced that her life would improve if only she had large breasts. "All right," the fairy godmother said. "How about we fix it so that every time a man says 'pardon' to you, your breasts grow a bit." Delighted with the arrangement, Minuetta goes to the market next day. Bumping into the woodcutter, she's delighted when he tips his hat, says, "I beg your pardon," and her breasts grow nearly an inch. Later, when a coachmean accidentally splashes mud on her, he stops and says, "Pardon me." Her breasts grow again. Smiling radiantly when she

Bob was talking to Ted, an old friend. Bob: My wife drives like lightning! Ted: She drives fast? Bob: No, She hits trees!

A bunch of men are in a locker room at the gym, just out from the steam room. One man's phone rings, he answers it. The conversation between him and his girlfriend is as follows: "Hey honey!" "hey..." "I love ya!" "When are you gonna be home to feed us?" "Fuck ya'all! I hate you! The kids can starve!" "I've been loyal to you and this is what I get?!" "Go fuck a cow!" "I never wanna see your face again!" "Yours neither!" The man hangs up, laughing. "So, who's phone is this anyway?"

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of the weddings on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new husbands. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughter's room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything. The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom, you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." S

There was a lady that had a 3 year old son and one was coming on the way (she was pregnant). When the 3 year old asked his mother why her stomach was so big, she told him that it was just gas (she didn't want to give him a confusing explanation). The day that the baby was born, the 3 year old came up to the baby and said, "Hey, Fart!"

The Indian chief introduced his wife to a newspaper reporter; "This is Three Horse." "That's a picturesque name," said the reporter. "Does it have deep symbolism?" "Yes," the chief replied. "Nag, nag, nag!"

While reading a newspaper, Morty came across an article about a beautiful actress marrying a football player who was not noted for his IQ. "I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "Why do the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."

One lesbian said to the other, "I'll just be Frank with you," ...and the other said, "Ok, you be Frank today and I'll be Frank tommorrow."

What do you call two Chinese queers? Two can chew!

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he li

A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed. The husband says, "I thought we'd have sex tonight." The wife replies, "No, I'm too tired tonight." The husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says, "Yes, it is, thank you." The husband says, "OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend."

What is the one thing you get at a wedding and cannot give back no matter how much you despise and hate it? IN-LAWS!