A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp read, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

Why does Hershey's chocolate taste so good? Because they are made by women! (Her-She) hahahaha

One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument. After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong." Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first. Sarah replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I am wrong." In response, Harry shouts happily, "You're right!"

These are just a few of those typical sexist jokes- they make me chuckle ( or groan) so ya know- I'm a girl : ) *what's worse than a male chauvinist pig? - A woman who won't do what she's told. *I married Mrs. Right- I just wish I'd known her first name was Always * * How many men does it take to open a beer? -None. It should be open by thetime she brings it * What is the best way to always remember your wife's birthday? - Forget it once

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and POOF--the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and POOF -- the husband was 90.

1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back? 2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too. 3.Let me smell that shirt-don't worry, its good for another week. 4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed him and walk him every day. 5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse. 6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would be totally cheaper. 7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here. 8.Don't clean your room often; It makes the rest of the house look bad. 9.Can I borrow your new speed-metal CDs? 10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure out what to do.

A man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. He was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked, "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "Then where the hell were you when I got married?"

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Mr Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

Man: Haven't we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn't have been. I don't make the same mistake twice.

Given m = money, e = evil, t = time and w = women, prove that women are evil (women = evil) 1. m = e ^ (1/2) (money is the root of all evil) 2. t = m (time is money) 3. w = t * m (women are the product of time and money) 4. w = m ^ 2 (substitution) 5. w = {e ^ (1/2)} ^ 2 (substitution) 6. w = e Proven by mathematics - women are evil.

One morning, during breakfast, I say, "I had the strangest dream. It was about aliens." My mother asks, "What are aliens?" My father asks, "What kind?"