A woman was missing her boyfriend, so she decided to write him the following brief letter: Dear Anthony, I've been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool... nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love, Kathy xoxo P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery...

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, called his wife by many endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice. After all these years, you still call your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell the truth, I forgot her name years ago."

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home toni

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you." The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean He has a handsome smile And keeps his car so clean. The perfect man likes children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father A good husband to his bride. The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He'll do anything in his power To convey his feelings to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your name He's a best friend to your mother And kisses away your pain. He never has made you cry Or hurt you in any way Oh, fuck this stupid poem The perfect man is gay.

A cannibal took his young son for a walk in the jungle. They came across a beautiful, naked girl lying asleep on the ground. The boy got excited and said, "Let's eat her now, Dad!" But the father said, "No, I have a better idea. Let's bring her home and eat your mother."

Worried that they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the apartment next door, the mother said to her son, "Tony, would you go next door and see how Old Mrs. Pierpoint is?" A few minutes later, Tony returned. "Well, is she all right?" asked the mother. "She's fine, but she's rather annoyed with you," remarked Tony. "At me?" the mother exclaimed. "Whatever for?" Tony replied, "Mrs. Pierpoint said it's none of your business how old she is."

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizeable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.

The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, "You know, you're really a lousy lover!" The husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

Joe's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Denise agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Joe noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him, she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. "Denise" he said, "was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died?" "Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"