After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft? God: So you will always want to touch her. Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good? God: So you will always want to be near her. Adam: That's wonderful Lord ... and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid? God: So she would love you.

Woman: Honey, do you love me? Man: Ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies! Woman: Do I look fat in this? Man: Ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies! Woman: Did you enjoy the meal? Man: Ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies! Woman: Do you see the wrinkles on my face? Man: Ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies! Man: Do you wanna fool around tonight? Woman: Sure Honey! Man: Was it as good for you as it was for me? Woman: Ask me no questions, i'll tell you no lies!

- Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and doing the eyebrow thing. - When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly replies, "The skin bus to tuna town," and then laughs until he cries. - You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what he looks for in a "chick " is "you know." - He whispers, "You're beautiful," to your thighs, then glances up at your face and says, "Oh you, too." - When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature relationships, he giggles quite a bit. - In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality tail." - Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first tim

An epileptic young woman named Camp Was seduced on her couch by a tramp But the first time he squeezed her She had a Grand seizure And broke both his balls and a lamp.

A horny old trapper named Rex Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex. By incredible luck His dick never got stuck, But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog in the street. "Oh, that's terrible" "Yes, it was terrible to watch the dog die slowly in convulsions."

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female inpersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."

1. Happy Anniversery! 2.You're wearing THAT to the party!!?? 3.Do I look fat in this? 4.You didn't know it was my birthday today!? 5.Oh my god! Can't we just be friends! 6.Listen honey we have to talk... I think, I'm pregnant. 7.Here's 100 dollars! 8.Hey! Is it okay if some of my friends come over to watch football and we go crazy when our team loses. 9.Sweetie can we not do it tonight? 10.Honey I'm home! How have you been today?!

1. Happy aniversery! 2. Do I look fat in this? 3. Heres 100 dollars! Buy whatever you want. 4. I think im pregnant. 5. Do you wanna come shopping with me and my friends? We're going to Victoria's Secret. 6. I'm cheating on you with 1 other man and 2 women. 7. Hunney... can we not do it tonight. I'm just not in the mood. 8. Do you just wanna go on a vacation just me and you? We can go to the Bahamas! 9. I'm sorry. 10. Whenever you wanna get divorced just tell me.